So I am about to write a blog post with some real truth bombs for myself.  

I like to pride myself on being a real straight shooter and I’m sure our clients will tell you I’ve dropped a few truth bombs on them…so I’m turning the tables on myself.  Why am I writing this?  I don’t know.  To be honest, I feel a real need within myself to say it out loud and I mean this is a very new blog so I don’t even know how many of you are reading this (I need comments people). There is something about saying it out loud that holds you accountable, that puts the energy of what you are speaking into the universe, and that’s powerful.

First…this is not about Design, it’s about me, so here goes….

Hi, my name is Leyla and I need to lose like 1 million pounds.

A little history:

I wasn’t always a chubs.  In fact, when I met my husband 15 years ago in New York, I was down right hot stuff!  Like worked out with a pilates trainer 3x a week and went to the gym every night for 2 hours kind of hot stuff.  Let’s be honest, when you’re a single, 20 something bartender and flight attendant living in New York, you want to look your best and meet a lot of hot guys (like the one I married). I like to joke with my husband now and say ‘tricked you’…LOL. Lucky for me, he loves me no matter what and has never in the history of our relationship made one comment about my weight.

I know right when the weight started creeping on. I met this hot guy, we were falling in love and suddenly I wanted to see him more than I wanted to go to the gym when I got off work.  

Side note:  I have the kind of body that needs to exercise or it wants to be fat.  Period.  

So here we are falling in love and I’m not running anymore.  Then we move in together and decide we want to buy a condo but in order to do that, we need to save money (ugh). So that means the $1200+ a month I was spending on my pilates trainers stopped dead in it’s tracks.  And before you judge my $1200 a month pilates habit, I was single, I worked two jobs and that’s what I wanted to spend my money on.  

So before I know it, we are getting married and I now weigh about 30 pounds more than I do when we met.  I’ll say this, I have always had like a 20-25 pound swing at times and I have the kind of body shape that can carry it and still look good.  Not like fitness model good, but I had some curves and could pull that sh*t off.

So then we were married and life became busy and I wasn’t working out. I started to develop my real estate career and was working my a** off…well not literally…clearly. I tried every diet under the sun, including Optifast (that was what Oprah did in the 80‘s when she wheeled that wagon of fat on stage) LOL. I didn’t eat solid food for 5 weeks, I lost a ton of weight and had to buy all new clothes but then it started creeping back.  So some years went by and before I knew it, I was 50 pounds more than when we met.  

Side note: I use that moment in time when I was at my crazy fittest/skinniest to measure my weight gain against…LOL

And then, at 35 years old I GET PREGNANT!!  YEAH!!  And deep down I know, this is not good for my already overweight 35 year old body.  Here’s the surprising part (and thank you universe)…I only gain 15 pounds during my pregnancy, and 7 of that was a baby!  Sweet Jesus how did that happen???   

Side note: we decided to move to CA when I was about 12 weeks pregnant, so we packed up, left New York, our careers and everything behind to start a new life with our new baby.

Well, I clearly underestimated what that would do to my mental state.

In case you don’t know this about me…I am pretty driven when it comes to my career (dieting, not so much).  When I decide to do something, I am all in.  My real estate career was no exception and without getting into those boring details, I was kicking ass, taking names and making a sh*t ton of money.  I was working on projects in 3 states, NY, NJ & PA.  Then BAM…There I was in California; pregnant, sick as a dog, no job, and basically just sitting around waiting to have a baby, not knowing who I was anymore.  I was not happy with the size I was becoming, but I was pregnant so what the heck was I going to do?  

Side note:  I am not one of those women who glows and looks beautiful while pregnant…just an FYI.

So now I have my baby and I still have all of the feelings above AND I also have this gross post baby stomach/weight situation going on and it quite literally sent me into a mental tail spin that I kept all to myself. This lead to 18 months of postpartum depression that I didn’t even know I was in, until I was out.  

And then, a few months before my son turned 2, I got a job!  YEAH!  A job I knew I would love, Hallelujah!  I was happy, my husband was happy, he really thought it would be the thing to get my out of my funk.  It did a little, but I was still so deep in my head that it wasn’t enough.  

Side note: Some day I will share the story of that job and how it set the stage for DSI

So now I’m a working mom…and holy crap, that is some crazy sh*t to navigate.  Now I am at work all day while my son is at daycare, when would I possibly make time to go to the gym?  I already don’t see my baby all day.  I’m not going to leave him at daycare longer or pick him up and promptly leave the house (and it would be nice to see my hubs too). I know, I know, there will be those people who say ‘its just an excuse’ or ‘go at 4am’ or ‘go when he goes to bed’…but that wasn’t my reality.

My reality was a baby who didn’t sleep for 2.5 years.  

I’m talking wake up every hour in the night kind of sleep deprivation.  So now we can add long term sleep deprivation to my already fragile mental state. Working full time, and being a wife and a mom is some hard sh*t.  If you find that easy….god bless.  I wasn’t going to the gym too.

In case you are wondering, my mental state is great now.  It took a lot of work including therapy, a psychic life coach and maybe a past life regression…LOL  (there is a whole other side of me that people don’t know). ☺

So that’s the story of how I find myself here, with a million pounds to lose …and it’s time.

Where I’m at Today

Folsom interior designer Leyla Jaworski of Design Shop InteriorsLast Tuesday I was on TV (maybe you saw it) and while I think I am pretty dang cute and definitely funny (self esteem has never been an issue for me btw..), I just don’t like how I look.  

I don’t like the ridiculous effort I have to put into finding clothes to dress this body. I don’t like that apparently clothing stores think unless you are a size 4, you don’t deserve cute clothes (insert eye roll), I don’t like that my pretty face has a double chin on camera. I don’t like that instead of fully enjoying & being present in the moment of being on TV, I am preoccupied with how I look or what angle the camera man is shooting me…I just don’t like it.  

So, I’m done.  I signed up for private pilates training yesterday and I am getting back on a diet program that I enjoyed last year before I quit.  Stella is getting her groove back.

I have some pretty incredible opportunities for team DSI right now (more on that later) and I am all in…So stay tuned because I intend to put this whole journey out there.  

Xoxox – Leyla

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53 Responses
  1. Tina

    Welcome back to SM!! I have finished the program and always keep in mind that “I didn’t come this far to only come this far” so my goal now is to maintain for a lifetime. That means always mindful and moving forward. Loved your blog! I hope I see more of your progress and life!!
    Tina Koepke

  2. Kristy Wiese

    I love you for sharing this! You are brave and beautiful. And you just have to give yourself the same relentless, obsessive, radical attention you give to your designs. xoxo

  3. Brandy

    You’re amazing! I feel like you say exactly what I think! It’s hard work just working let alone being a mom and wife. When I get home I’m fucking exhausted however dinner still needs to be made and the kid still needs to be bathed. I can’t ever seem to find extra time for me and my body. Get it girl!

    1. Leyla Bowden Jaworski

      and you’re not just saying that because you’ve know me for like 100 years! LOL 🙂
      PS – we should get together soon!

  4. Erin

    Leyla!
    Brave to turn tables on you. Love your story and your pretty face!!! I recently did the Whole 30 and learned a lot and am still eating pretty clean; learned what feels good to eat and what doesn’t. Best of luck with everything! xoxo

    1. Leyla Bowden Jaworski

      Awe thanks! I have several friends who rave about the whole 30! Maybe after I get the ‘whole million’ pounds off under my diet program…I’ll try it! LOL

  5. Michelle Boyle

    I am right there with you sister!! S*** happens, life gets crazy when you have kids and ESPECIALLY when you are a rockstar lady boss! You gotta do what is easiest for you to get through your day, week etc. You will get back there but even if you don’t you look great and have so many people (including myself) looking up to you and the life you have created for yourself! 😘

  6. Lisa

    Wow! Good for you and I feel your pain. I have a similar story (falling in love, gaining weight, having a baby, career takes off) and totally admire you for putting it all out there. I just went back to ww after a number of years and am starting back at a Lagree studio on Sunday. Look forward to following your journey!

  7. Jenn Remedios

    OMG! Now I love you ten times more! While I didn’t suffer the post partum depression, I can totally relate to the Love pounds, baby pounds, working mom life, no money for the gym life, no money to quit working and stay home life, desiring to sell anything and kill it life which was all a building block for THIS great life! Go get it! xoxo

  8. Erin Burgman

    Same. I think that I will go ahead and use some awesome life changes that I am going through to incentivize myself to do it too! Wow, so much of this rings true for me. You are an inspiration! Thank you for putting this out there.

  9. Jennypher Doan

    I’ve always admired your refreshing honesty, talent, and work ethic. Good luck with your new health goals! P.S. Hubby and I just put together the weight set we bought (um, last year) to get ourselves back in shape too! Here’s to a new lease on life in 2018!

    1. Leyla Bowden Jaworski

      Awesome! And I don’t even want to tell you about the $1500 elliptical machine, $5K pilates reformer, $500 weight set and god only knows what else we have purchased over the years and never used…LOL Don’t be like me. Use your weights! 🙂

  10. Randie

    I love you Leyla and I am in awe of you and all your accomplishments my sweet niece! You got this! Looking forward to watching your success on your journey. Xxoo
    PS thank you for your honesty.

  11. mommyspice

    I’ve known you for 25 years and I know that you will do whatever you set your god damned mind to! I adore you, admire you and support you. xoxoxoxo

  12. Heather Stephenson

    Love this Leyla! You got this girl! Just the motivation I need too so please keep it coming! Thanks for sharing this journey. 😊

  13. Elena Morelli

    So amazing Leyla! A beautiful soul who is amazing inside and out. Love your realness. You are inspiring so many with your transparent and authentic way of living. Love you to pieces ❤️

  14. Heather Thompson

    Leyla,

    So sweet to open your blog to something so personal! I’m certain you will conquer this goal…you dominate everything you’ve set your mind to. I’m excited to read about your progress!!!!

    1. Leyla Bowden Jaworski

      Thanks lady! Maybe i would lose a few lb’s chasing some of those long horns around the yard….or maybe them chasing me! LOL We love you!

  15. D. Denise Davis

    Okay. Your honesty is down right refreshing. I already know you are a down to earth top notch designer but when you share these tidbits about yourself it makes you even more real. Love it! By the way, being mom, wife, working two jobs and my side hustle just might be the death of me. So I can certainly relate. However, every time I see a post from DSI it reminds me what doing what you Love looks like and I know it will be worth it in the end. Good luck with the journey to getting your groove back. I’ll be watching and holding you accountable!

  16. Marcy

    Congratulations on your decision to feel better! Best of luck. Really love your work and following you here and on Instagram. Great to have talent like yours here in our community. We live in Fair Oaks. 🙂

  17. Tina Hambly

    You got this! Put your same passion into this as you do career. I TOTALLY get this (says woman facing 50 dealing with career depression) – so make that change! I’ll join you.

    1. Leyla Bowden Jaworski

      You go Tina! My favorite quote:
      ‘The meaning of life is to find your gift, the purpose of life is to give it away’…Picasso
      Find your gift…and give it away…but not for free…because a girls gotta eat! 🙂

  18. Stephanie

    Love these posts and love being able to follow along with your business as it grows. Can’t wait till I can afford to hire you 🙂

  19. Mary

    Sharing your whole self is hard, but it genuinely opens up even more of you that people will (and do!) love. Prioritizing yourself is really hard and the support of those who follow your blog will boost you when you need it most. And you’re doing it for you – which is so important. And your loving family will be there for you the entire way!

    I’m single and not one who loves leftovers, it’s my weakest link as I’m not a Food prepper. Yet I’m frugal and don’t want an expensive meal service. Exercise is finally back part of my routine for the last year and am so thankful for that. Will be watching and cheering you on from Oregon! Want to hear more about the nutrition plan you’re trying!

    And damn lady – I keep trying to find the DSI of portland. I love everything your team does.

    1. Leyla Bowden Jaworski

      Food prepping is the WORST!! LOL Thank you, that is so sweet of you and yes, this team is just magic! I am lucky to have them!

  20. Jen

    What a great post. There are some realities of what becoming a Mom is all about… realities that noone shares publicly. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable about these important topics like PPD, sleep deprivation and a re-assessment of self worth. Congratulations to you on your successful career and beautiful family.

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